Ripon House Approved Premises for Women

Learning to Trust Again ……...

The Esteem Project is an outdoor education course which incorporates a number of activities. However, the most important learning experience is what a resident can learn about themselves.

This is Cath’s own account of what she learnt abseiling on the Esteem Project

I woke up in a confident mood today—it was the first Esteem of the New Year and I knew what was ahead! I’d enjoyed last year’s trips—I wasn’t fazed. Today I was going to trust my instincts and most importantly Mark—the instructor holding the other end of the rope. I tried putting my trust in him and Ian last year when we were climbing but my instinct to not let anyone hurt me got the better of me. I hadn’t trusted anyone in my life for a long time and when I did it hurt so, so much— but this was a New Year! A new me. I could overcome if I trusted people again.
I’m rigged up, my radio on to relax and a fag to calm me down! I stood on the edge, not scared (like hell!). My hands were sweating but I wanted this so bad.

As I leant back and slowly moved my feet down the cliff I felt ok … just ok (ha ha!) The rope flowed, Mark gave me encouragement and the girls are amazed I’m over the edge (always the worst bit). I lean back , I think I’m in control but my feet won’t move—FEAR runs through me as I am now upside down literally ! I hear laughter from the girls but it isn’t funny from where I’m dangling - but I had to laugh – that’s what I do when I’m scared or frightened. Mark was calm even if he couldn’t understand why I’m laughing. I listened to what he was saying — I just wanted my feet firmly on the ground. I got myself into a sitting position and my feet fixed firmly on the cliff — where they belonged.
I slowly started walking down the rock—de ja vue, I was doing well, almost at the bottom now. For some stupid reason I thought I could let go of the rope—I was only 3ft off the ground so I let go and there I was sprawled out on the grass. But I did it !!!
I had to get back up there and do it again—And did I? Why you might ask. Well yes, I did — because I’d learned to trust again.
Thanks Esteem Team.
NEW BEGINNINGS.